PART 1:

Well, hello my fellow classmates ~~ I am using my introduction blog from my last class with Dr. Zamora (ENG 5020) because it does the job well. Of course, I added some stuff on research and changed some things around 

Francesca Di Fabio, here – I come from a hard-working, Italian American household, raised by both of my lovely grandmothers, mother, father, and older brother. I was blessed enough to have one grandma – my Nonna – live down the street, and my other grandma – who we called Morning – live in the bottom half of our mother-daughter house. Both of my Italian grandmas have passed but our lovely memories of drawing, painting, gardening, cooking home-made pasta and sauce together will live on forever.

I sleep in the very room my mother did too, when she was a young girl, following the motions toward womanhood. Now a grown woman myself, I take pleasure in waking up late on Sunday’s to the smell of Morning’s marinara sauce recipe boiling on the stove top – cooked by my mother and passed down from her own. Ready and served no later than 3 PM every Sunday. I learned quickly how to make room for two dinner servings on Sundays, because if not, my mother will take it as an insult to her cooking. It’s very simple: If we don’t eat, my mother is not pleased. My mother – a Jersey City Italian who’s a mix between Judge Judy and The Long Island Medium. Trust me, you want to please the woman!

But who exactly am I? I wish I could tell you – I’m still figuring that one out. One thing about me is that I’m super passionate about kindness and sharing it with those around us, which is why I teach kids yoga at Lifetime Athletic in Berkeley Heights, NJ. I have been teaching kids yoga for over 2 years now and have an army of kids and families that come weekly. One future goal of mine is to open my own KIDS YOGA STUDIO, only for kiddos aged 13 years and below, with adult yoga transitioning classes for preteens (13 – 15 years old) and Mommy & Me classes during the day.

Some other things I can tell ya is that I obtained my bachelor’s degree in English, Writing, and Education from Kean University, and graduated in the Spring of 2022. Sometimes, I still can’t believe that I have a degree in English and am getting my M.A. in Writing Studies. Growing up, I often became embarrassed, frustrated, and overwhelmed that school was hard for me compared to the “average” person. I questioned my dyslexia every day and how it impacted my ability to read. And the worst part of it all was that I loved to learn but I just could not understand the information. 

Instead of hating school, I decided to challenge academia. I became obsessed with teaching myself how to read and write. I would spend hours glossing over pages until I understood what the text was trying to tell me. Endless nights were spent worrying if I looked dumb to my peers or wondering why a simple assignment took me twice as long. Somehow, I graduated undergrad with a flawless 4.0 GPA average, not allowing myself to receive anything less. 

It took time to be proud of myself about graduating college with a 4.0 GPA: apparently, that’s a huge accomplishment. I’ve always had difficulty congratulating or celebrating myself. Because, what if it all doesn’t go as planned? How could I celebrate such an accomplishment when there are endless possibilities for failure in the future? Unfortunately, that’s how an anxiety-induced, perfectionist mind thinks. I know it’s a problem; hence why I spent three months in a partial, hospitalization center – famously known for being referred to as ~ rehab ~. I have no shame talking about my struggles with mental health and the many times I’ve been hospitalized and undergone severe psychosis. . . because it’s my reality. The random panic attacks paired with the spiraling thoughts, throw-up fits, and rheumatoid arthritis flare-ups come with being a perfectionist. There is a cost for always wanting to be perfect.

So, I write to understand my thoughts because it turns out I got a whole lot of them. I write for my therapist. I write for myself. I write my kids yoga lessons. I write short stories that mirror my very, deep feelings and emotions. I write because I never thought I could. I read to teach myself how to write, so that I can turn around and tell the next person, “ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!”

PART 2:

Alright, let’s talk about my research identity – ugh! Imma be real, I like creative nonfiction, creative fiction, writing short stories – honestly, literally anything but research! Research, in my opinion, is so tedious and monotonous. I always undergo several mini-panic attacks while collecting my sources, organizing my sources, skimming through my sources, and AHHHHH! No!! Help!! There is so much research in front of my very eyes!! And then, I swear, everything goes blurry, and I can’t see. Maybe, I’m allergic to research.

Okay, maybe, I’m being dramatic. There is something about research that gets me excited – the loyal search for truth and discovery. Listen, as someone who loves watching alien documentaries with her father and questions everything and believes nothing, I definitely do have a soft spot for research and appreciate the scholars within their academic fields, doing the dirty work that many rather avoid or ignore. I also gained an entirely new perspective on research after reading, “Where Research Begins” by Thomas S. Mullaney and Christopher Rae, specifically the notion of self-centered research and what that does and does not entail.

As a yogi who has been teaching kids yoga for 2 and a half years and practicing for 8 years, the ego is something I internally study and battle with daily. It is important to know when your ego is speaking versus when your internal truthful light is speaking, or your intuition. And the idea behind dismantling your ego and securely knowing who it is you are and the problem(s) you carry inside and why that may be, is literally the essence of yoga practice, and apparently the same with the self-centered research process. I am now pulled to tackle research and sit with my thoughts during the “before” stage – before I know what I’m even researching. The craft of introspection is challenging yet intriguing, and I think it is an essential part of research because who the heck wants to write a hefty research paper on some topic that sparks no internal reaction whatsoever – boring! I think my current research identity is unknown but hopeful.

XOXO,

Francesca D 